Emotions, and Relationships, and Paper Towers! Oh, my!

Over the past week and a half we have covered emotional and conversational messages, interpersonal, personal and professional relationships.  I’ve found the information from these chapters the most useful and interesting thus far in the semester.  This is because the previous chapters have shown us the basic building blocks of conversations, while these five chapters have delved into the dynamics of applying conversation techniques within certain situations and relationships.  I think its interesting that we can flip a switch, if you will, to change how we act around specific people or groups.  You can be laughing with you friends one minute, having a very lax conversation and then a professor approaches causing you to switch gears.  You might become more reserved, stand up straighter, give them your undivided attention, give a firm handshake, be sure of your responses.  What I am saying is that these relationship chapters really brought to my attention the underlying rules within relationships and how we conform from our relaxed or natural personality to fit those requirements.  The emotion chapter made me more aware of when I am covering up certain emotions and why I am doing that. 

This also ties into the presentation via skype by Jimmy’s brother.  At the beginning he asked us to each compile a list of emotions we were and were not comfortable with.  My comfortable list had happiness and emotions that went with that general theme but I also included sadness.  It seemed like most other people put sadness on the uncomfortable list which I found interesting.  I approached the uncomfortable list as things that really unnerve me, feelings that go along with tough times, or emotions I am scared of because of the actions or situations that lead to it; emotions like anger and dread.  Sadness, for me, is a very broad emotion.  On one side of the spectrum you can be distraught over a friends death, on the other side you can be sad because you could not go on that awesome vacation to Disney.  I think we feel varying degrees of sadness throughout a week, and because sadness is not always in the extreme I am comfortable performing that emotion.  I was glad that he could give us some real life scenarios to go along with the three different types of emotions; instrumental, secondary, and primary.  Also that he emphasized the importance of expressing primary emotions, especially in relationships because you might fall into argument with your partner where you are both reacting to secondary emotions or assumptions and are therefore not addressing the real problem. 

I found a silly short video to go along with this: 

We had two exercises this past week and a half, one that I enjoyed tremendously more than the other.  The activity I thought was more successful was when we went up in pairs to act out a unsatisfying conversational partner and the class had to guess with label their actions went with.  I thought this was extremely beneficial, reading in a textbook does not always allow us to fully grasp the concept.  Through this activity each conversational partner’s flaws were clear and I am sure we all thought at some point or another that we had been stuck in a conversation like that.  

The other activity, splitting the class in two, trying to construct a paper towel higher than the other groups, and evaluating the situation by wearing a “thinking hat” that was assigned to us seemed like it would be fun.  From what I saw it was really fun for the other group but we were thinking about the hats too much which I think stumped a few people, including myself in my group.  I had difficulty trying to figure out how to evaluate what we were doing through feelings.  I tried to play off people’s feelings, paying special attention to the people wearing the positive benefit and devils advocate hats but I felt like in this situation it was hard to come up with something to say other than how do you feel about that?  I can see the benefits of the feeling hat in conversations with friends, someone could be complaining about a roommate do picking up after herself, you would focus on your friends frustration and come up with a way to present the problem to the other roommate without starting an argument.  I just found the role I had to play was very challenging.  My idea was simple, fold the paper in half and stand it up.  Michelle and the girl who sits in the front corner had more creative ideas, and the group would come up with a reason why it would not work or we would just try it out.  When we were at the front table in the end I really liked the atmosphere up there, the rivalry aspect of it, we all wanted to win.  

Now during the analysis of the activity one girl really upset our whole group.  She said that she was the only one doing anything, that she finally decided to just do it by herself, and said that the group was just sitting there.  I felt like that was extremely rude to make these accusations in front of the whole class.  I feel like she did not think about what she was saying.  To me it seemed like she had a problem with the “hat,” the new idea hat.  I feel like the person wearing that hat would default to group leader in this scenario because we needed some creative ideas.  It seemed like she was not comfortable with that role and she took it out on everyone else, literally said we did nothing, which caused a lot of us to walk out of class in a foul mood. 

Breaking Rules

       For this assignment I broke the space bubble and the eye avoidance rules. I pushed passed the boundaries in concern to these rules with two of my close friends, one being a female, the other male.  I bring up their gender because I feel like their reactions were a bit different concerning one rule due to it, because of what “rules” and “norms” society has instilled within them.  

       I was walking around campus with my female friend and decided to start this experiment by walking close to her and linking arms with her.  Unfortunately this did not result in much of a reaction, we are best friends, so it did not come from left field.  We ended up going to a small coffee shop on Broad Street, and when we sat down in a huge booth I sat right next to her.  She looked at me, trying to figure out what I was doing but kept on with the conversation.  Also, throughout the conversation I would not hold eye contact with her.  I would glance her way but never look right at her.  I’m sure this gave off an air of me not caring what she was talking about, or I was busy thinking about other things.  I could tell she was not being her normal, comfortable self around be because I was acting weird.  I might have been engaging in conversation in regards to verbal communication, but it was clear something else was going on under the conversation.  She was distracted throughout the conversation.  After a while she just asked me what on earth I was doing and I explained to her about the project. 

       I was hanging out with one of my guy friends at my apartment.  When he came in and sat down I sat right next to him, normally I’d on the other side of the coach or in a different chair.  He looked at me weird, and tried to continue to have a normal conversation with me.  I could tell that he was extremely uncomfortable, he had no idea what I was doing.  On top of that I kept avoiding eye contact with him which made the situation extremely awkward.  I slowing watched my friend shut down.  He did not know how to address he situation so his responses became shorter and shorter till our conversation dissolved.  I finally had pity on him and told him about the assignment.  His reaction, I believe, was relatively normal.  Most guys I’ve been around are a bit standoffish to physical closeness other than with a partner; then adding my lack of eye contact which caused him to be unable to read my nonverbal cues through facial features, really took him out of his comfort zone. 

       I believe I would react much in the same way as my second friend, unless I was really close to the other individual and could pick up relatively quick that they are messing with me.  With the spacial bubble I believe we are all aware that unless you are close friends with someone and physical closeness is a norm in your friendship you will make the other participant in the conversation uneasy.  Also, physical closeness (as in sitting close to each other, grabbing ones arm, hugging) is something that is usually built up to in friendship, for me it has progressed as the friendship does.  I felt that the the eye avoidance rule revealed the most to me.  Before this project when I thought of people not making eye contact I thought of two things, either the person is really shy, or two the person is being rude.  I had never given much thought as to what was occurring in the middle of that spectrum.  Now I see that eye avoidance can hurt people and put them in such an uncomfortable situation that they shut down.  This assignment was useful because now we have experiences to go with these rules.  Everyone has heard the theory that sometimes you have to have that bad experience to really learn the lesson instead of just being told not to do it.  This assignment goes right along with that; I feel like we really know why these rules are in place now that we have seen how breaking them can negatively effect our friends. 

When looking for a video for this entry I found this video on how to keep conversations going.  It mentions the importance of eye contact, how that can lead to trust.  Its just a short video that summarizes several things we have talked about it class. 

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/4144073/how_to_keep_a_conversation_going/

Week Two Journal Entry: 230 Communication in the Helping Process

       The activity we did at the beginning of the lesson for chapter one has been the most memorable moment in class for me.  Volunteers were asked to go to the front of the room and either draw or act out reasons for interpersonal communication.  I had read the textbook prior to entering class that day but had not yet memorized these reasons: to learn, relate, influence, play, and help.  Through this activity individuals were interacting with the whole class, we were focused on everything the volunteer was doing while competing, if you will, with others in the class to guess the correct word.  During this activity we were using at least three of the interpersonal communication purposes: learn, play, and help.  The volunteer was helping us learn the material through the drawing or charades (play).  Also, classmates were helping each other when guessing words on the right track, one could slowly eliminate possibilities, narrowing down the possible words.  This activity ingrained these five points of interpersonal communication into my head and I hope that we have other simple activities like this throughout the summer.  

       I was looking at the activity at the end of the lesson for chapter five; having everyone stand on one side of a blanket and then turn the blanket over, resulting in everyone standing on the other side without stepping off of the blanket; I really wish we would have had time to complete this in class.  I might try to get a group of my friends together to complete this. I feel like it would be extremely beneficial to act this out and analyze how it was successfully completed.  Did one person stand up and become group leader? If so how did that person talk with others? In a loud, commanding voice? Or in a calm manner?  I believe dissecting the process would result in an engrossing conversation.  Here is a link for further explanation about the blanket activity: http://www.trainingforchange.org/node/235

       I’m going to try to start participating more in class. It seems just when I get a comment or response in my mind someone else says basically the same thing. I’ll have to be quicker and not worry so much if my answer or comment is “correct.”  Thats one reason why I hold back on my comments, but when learning (and in life in general) we all make mistakes, which is fine.  

       My response in regards to the reading and the material itself has to be that most of this, nonverbal communication, distances when talking to others, high/low-power distances, perception, etc., is common knowledge.  We do these things almost everyday.  Now through this class though we can put a name to these reactions and rules within communication, look more in depth at these processes, then self analyze and improve our communication.  

       So far I am really enjoying the class. Its not too difficult.  I like the way Jimmy incorporates technology into the lesson since I’m a huge twitter and blog fan.  I think the classroom is a very relaxing, comfortable environment.  My favorite part of this class is keeping the journal/blog.  I find it useful to sit and actually think about what I did in class this past week; what stood out, what I would like to do more of, etc.  I hope a lot of the social work classes do this, it gives the students time to process what they are learning and how it applies to life outside the classroom. 

               

                I was trying to find a video to go along with a theory or principle we have learned about so far and found this video below; it connects with self-monitoring strategies.  A quick summary is that Sam is trying to get his co-worker to hang out with him and watch an upcoming sports game. 

During the video Sam is loud, overly excited, uses tactile communication far too much, and is over the top in general. Sam is a low self-monitor, he is all over the place, doesn’t listen to what his co-worker is saying and is ineffective in his communication.  He needs to adjust how he communicates and acts around certain groups of people.  How he was acting in the video might be acceptable interaction with a close friend of his but comes off more of as an annoyance to his co-worker.  Personally, I wouldn’t go and watch the game with him. 

Journal #1: Social Work & the Benefits of Taking SLWK 230

       At the beginning of my spring semester, of my sophomore year, I finally declared my major from undeclared to Social Work. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  I’m the type of person who likes things planned out; whether its two days or a year from now, I like to have a general picture of what I’ll be doing.  I choose this career path because I had interactions with social workers throughout my childhood due to issues within my family.  The social workers helped change the environment I was in, making me feel safer.  I want to be able to do that for someone in the future.  I want to be able to provide them with resources to make their daily lives better; to find a child a warm, loving home; to provide counseling for abuse victims.  We all need help at some point in our lives; we can feel like there is no way to overcome that obstacle in our path.  I want to be someone people can turn to during hard times, to help them to the best of my abilities.  

       After I get my BSW I plan to go for my Master’s in Social Work as well.  At this point I’m not exactly sure what I want to concentrate it.  I’ve been looking into health care/medical and child welfare careers, as well as advocacy programs to improve lives of the lower class and oppressed groups.  I’m sure as I go through the program here at VCU I will get a better understanding of the career options out there and find one that I feel fits.  

       This class will help no matter what someone’s chosen career path is.  Good communication is key in life, I’d go as far to say its the most important skill we need.  We communicate all the time, both conscious and unconsciously.  We communicate through body language, how we dress, speak, write, the list is quite long.  With social work, we are communicating with and for our clients constantly; advocating, providing/finding services, counseling, etc.  Hopefully this course will guide me to become proficient in communication, therefore benefiting my client.  

       It is essential to learn how to successfully communicate so that details are not lost in translation.  One of the biggest problems today with communication is when people assume that others understand their signs, how they uniquely communicate.  This might be understood by close friends and family but when interacting with individuals from different cultures and backgrounds you cannot do that; the receiver of the message might misinterpret what was relayed through the message.  

       Through this class I hope to adjust how I communicate to ensure the above does not happen when working with my clients.  With the communication skills I will learn in this class I will have, in my opinion, the base need for successful social work, good communication, and be able to effectively assist my clients’ needs.  

The Peach Orchard

The Akira Kurosawa dream sequence I watched was The Peach Orchard, which centers around the concept of kami.  In this dream the viewer follows a young boy. Its “Doll Day,” you are shown a close up of doll figurines in the boys home.  The young boy chases after a girl only he can see.  She leads him to a barren peach orchard where “Dolls” are standing.  They threaten the boy, telling him to listen carefully or they will not return to his home.  The Dolls are upset because the boys family cut down all the trees in the peach orchard, and “Doll Day” is to celebrate the arrival of the peach blossoms.  Without the trees how can you celebrate their blooming?  The boy tells the dolls why he is so distraught over the loss of the peach trees; “Peaches can be bought but where can you buy a whole orchard in bloom?”  Seeing that the boy has respect for nature they grant him one last time to see the trees bloom.  The dolls turn into the peach trees in full bloom; the boy spots the young girl again among the peach trees and runs after her, up through the orchard.  The trees, all that is left are their stumps.  The boy goes to the top of the orchard and finds that there is one small tree left in bloom.  The dream ends.  

My take on the girl is that she represented the spirt of the last peach tree and came to the boy in physical form to show him the beauty of nature, to make sure he still respected the orchard.  

In Shinto there is an important theme of the presence and power of Kami, spirits, natural forces, or the essence in Shinto faith.  Only the most powerful in nature are divine, kami.  Ancient Japanese thought of matter and spirit to be inseparable; so the connection of kami, spirit, and the peach trees, matter is extremely strong, they are one with each other.  That is why the deities, or dolls present themselves to the boy, they have been scorned. Followers of Shinto are grateful for the blessings Kami present to them. By having respect for the peach orchard, and nature in general, the boy has respect for Shinto as a whole. 

The Tao of Pooh

     Benjamin Hoff does a great job engaging the reader and making learning the basics of Taoism interesting and fun.  I think he has a very unique approach to explaining Taoism; he uses Winnie the Pooh to make understanding Taoism concepts clear for Westerner's, since most have heard of and know of Winnie the Pooh and his simplistic nature.  The book itself was a very quick, smooth read.  For me that is because of the pauses in between main concepts of Taoism.  Hoff does an excellent job of breaking the book up; even in each chapter, putting conversations he has with Pooh and some of Pooh’s stories.  This helps further your understanding of the bare bones Taoist concepts, putting it in more layman’s terms through a children’s classic.  Out of all the books we have read this semester this was by far my favorite; as it was the easiest to read while actually grasp the elements of the religion. 

     Sometimes it does feel like American’s are “almost desperately active,” as Hoff puts in on page 93.  I really liked Hoff’s paragraph’s about the Bisy Backson’s ‘Life Interests,’ because he is one-hundred percept right with Bisy Backson’s response.  Now a days when you ask some American’s what their interests and hobbies are they might spat off physical activities, and only physical activities.  Of course there are those “other” people who enjoy reading or sitting outside and enjoying a nice day; sometimes those people can come across as lazy to the Bisy Backson’s.  Americans are alway going, like little wind up toys, always on the run.  I’d like to point out that a large portion of other countries set aside time midway through the day or a little later to relax, stores in small towns will close for an hour, children go home from school to have a nice lunch and take a break for a while, possibly take a nap; this is a healthy idea and exploit.  Most American’s feel like they need “something to do,” (99) they are “always going somewhere....Anywhere but where he is,” (97) we are always late for something and on the run.  

     While I just made it clear that American’s as a whole are always running around and jam-packing their schedules, that does not necessarily mean its such a huge problem that it needs a solution like Taoism.  The solution can be to set aside more time to relax, hang out with your friends and family and just be.  Set aside some time for you, do what you truly want to do.  Some people really enjoy physical activities, if thats what they want to do with their spare time who is to say that is wrong?  For instance I enjoy hiking, seeing nature, that is a calming thing for me, but I also like reading books, which I image Taoism would see as a more fitting activity, you cannot run around and be Bisy Backson while reading.  I do not think the American culture and American’s as individuals need fixing.  Yes, it would be nice if we were not running around all the time, but that is the culture that we live in, its also a personal choice.  If you do not want to have a hectic schedule try to work it out so its not.  Every culture is unique and I do not think other cultures or religions should tell people the way they are living is wrong.  

Citations: 

Hoff, Benjamin. The Tao of Pooh. New York, NY: Penguin, 1983. Print.

Shepard, Ernest H. Pooh Shepard. Digital image. Wikipedia. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc., 31 Dec. 2007. Web. 17 Apr. 2011. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki.File:Pooh_Shepard_1926.png>.

Buddhism Blog Assignment One: Aang the Last Airbender

       Aang, from the Nickelodeon animated television series Avatar: The Last Airbender is a monk of the Air Nomad people.  For those who know nothing of the show Aang is the protagonist, the Avatar (hence the series title) who can bend all four elements: Air, Water, Earth, and Fire.  His purpose is to keep peace between the Four Nations by using the elements.  The creators of the show based many of Aang’s character traits on Buddhism.  Aang is a positive stereotype for Buddhism, displaying many Buddhist principles, such as vegetarianism, a reluctance to fight, meditation, forgiveness. His appearance, orange robes and shaved head also account for his Buddhistic upbringing.  

I’m focusing on how meditation is practiced on The Last Airbender since Brad Warner covers this area extensively throughout his book.  A common stereotype about meditation throughout society is that meditators do not care about things or are thinking about absolutely nothing.  We all know those statements are false, Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate reenforces that.  Now, in The Last Airbender, Aang meditates a lot.  Typically to clear his head of conflicting paths, trying to find the correct way of action.  In Chapter Twenty Brad writes “Buddhists believe that the solution to any problem we face is always here [your mind].  We just cover it over with though.” (pg. 126)  This statement supports Aang’s actions, he takes time to sort through his thoughts to get down to the main issue troubling him.

The show has good intentions of portraying Buddhism and meditation in specific, they just get the logistics wrong. Zazen practice, according to Brad, “bridges the gap between these two forever mutually opposing ways of understanding reality [spiritually and materialism],” (pg. 5) it helps you deal with life in a practical and realistic manner.  When practicing zazen one is trying to gain balance and understanding.  Another aspect to zazen is the concept of having no goal in Zen.  Though, Nishijima points out that it is necessary to have goals sometimes, the example he uses is business.  When practicing Zen you are in the now, but when carrying out daily tasks you are “in a different realm,” (pg. 70) as Brad likes to say.  Here you have to think ahead. Many times throughout the show Aang takes the problems he is facing in the Four Nations and meditates for a solution.  He basically preforms a reversal of Zen practice, going to an alternate plane to reach the “eternal now” (pg. 70).  When meditating he goes to the “Spirit World” and talks philosophy with his past self, goal in mind.  Brad has a moment, while attending a sesshin, where he sets a goal for his zazen practice because of the problems going on in his life:

“Now, I know that Zen practice is supposed to be goalless. And I know that having a goal for a sesshin is pretty ridiculous. But we humans often do ridiculous things. I didn’t know or even care very much whether I achieved the goal I set for myself. But I knew from past experiences that long zazen sittings could help things like these become clearer.” (pg. 126)

He, much like Aang does use his religion and Zen practice to attempt to sort through what was going on around him.  Nickelodeon’s portrayal of mediation sheds no negativity on Buddhist practices, the creators of the show just left out important customs and philosophies.  

Citations

"Aang1." Wikipedia. Nickelodeon Studios. 6 March 2011. < http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Aang1.png >

Warner, Brad. Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate. Novato, California: New World Library, 2009. Print.